The Art of Grit

For athletes — especially those accustomed to leading in their field — setbacks can feel like a jarring punch to the gut. When we expect dominance and find ourselves facing defeat instead, it’s easy to feel lost, frustrated, even betrayed by the hours of effort we’ve invested. Recently, I experienced this firsthand through my son, a high-performing athlete who, despite his talent and dedication, encountered an unexpected setback. Watching him face this disappointment stirred something in me and left us both reflecting on what it really means to “bounce back.”

If you’ve ever found yourself on the receiving end of a surprising loss, maybe this experience resonates with you. As frustrating as it is, it’s in these moments of discontent that growth quietly takes root. Disappointment can be a powerful, albeit uncomfortable, teacher. Perhaps the lesson here isn’t about avoiding unhappiness, but about learning how to hold it, manage it, and ultimately channel it toward the next step forward.

The Initial Shock: Letting Yourself Feel It (But Not Forever)

There’s something in us, maybe our pride or our need for control, that wants to push past the sting of failure as quickly as possible. But in my son’s experience, and I think in many of ours, there’s value in allowing ourselves to actually feel the frustration, even if just briefly. Disappointment shows us just how much we care — it’s proof that the goal matters. Giving ourselves that moment of honesty, of truly feeling the sting, can actually be the first step in recovery.

And then comes the delicate balance. Sitting in the feeling too long can quickly turn into something draining, even defeating. At some point, there’s an inner shift where we know it’s time to start looking forward, to find that sliver of optimism that says, “Okay, what’s next?” For my son, and maybe for you, this turning point can come from taking a moment to breathe and allow a sense of possibility to re-enter the picture.

How have you approached these moments in your own life? Is there a pattern or routine you turn to when it’s time to start moving forward again?

Reframing Disappointment: Self-Evaluation, Not Self-Criticism

As we started discussing what happened, the importance of self-evaluation — not self-criticism — became clear. It’s so tempting to zero in on everything we did wrong, to get stuck in that spiral of “if onlys.” But growth often comes not from beating ourselves up, but from an honest, curious look at the experience. What actually happened? What was in our control? What wasn’t?

I encouraged my son to look at his setback as if he were a coach, studying someone else’s game — to be analytical without that harsh, self-defeating edge. It wasn’t easy, and it took some time, but that shift in perspective allowed him to start seeing a path forward. Self-evaluation doesn’t mean ignoring weaknesses; it means understanding them in a way that builds up rather than tears down.

Have you found this kind of objective self-assessment helpful in the past? Or maybe you’ve developed other ways of handling disappointment that allow you to learn without the burden of self-criticism.

Plugging the Gaps: Leaning into Learning

Once we had a clearer sense of where the challenges lay, it was time to actually address them. This stage is like putting together a puzzle — figuring out which gaps in skill or strategy could be strengthened, finding those small (or sometimes big) areas of improvement. For my son, this has meant researching techniques, going over feedback from his coaches, and leaning on his supporters to refuel his motivation. But it’s also about doing the work yourself — pushing through those tough practice sessions, honing skills, and committing to getting just a bit better each day.

It’s this part of the journey that seems to restore a sense of agency, of knowing that even though setbacks happen, there’s always a way forward. Improvement doesn’t come from avoiding hard work; it comes from that daily dedication, even when things aren’t perfect. Maybe there’s something about being immersed in the process itself that allows us to transcend disappointment and reconnect with the love for the game, the project, or the craft.

If you’ve gone through this “rebuilding” phase after a setback, what resources, people, or habits did you lean on? What made the difference for you in turning things around?

Embracing the Journey: There’s No Final Destination

One of the most humbling aspects of watching my son go through this journey is the reminder that excellence isn’t a one-time achievement — it’s an ongoing process, a continuous push to grow and improve. Setbacks are part of this rhythm, a natural ebb and flow in the pursuit of greatness. It’s easy to think of perfection as a destination, but in reality, perfection is an active pursuit. It’s in the striving, the adapting, and the steady commitment to growth that we experience our true strength.

If you’re someone who’s faced setbacks — maybe in sports, work, or some other area where you felt certain of your path — how did you find your way back to a place of motivation? Did you come away with new insights or perspectives that helped you embrace the journey with a bit more resilience and wisdom?

Your Turn: Share Your Journey

Setbacks can feel isolating, but they’re experiences we all encounter in one form or another. How we respond to these moments, the lessons we take from them, and the path we choose forward are uniquely our own yet shared in our collective human experience. I’d love to hear your thoughts and stories. How have you dealt with disappointment in moments when dominance was expected? What advice or insights have you gathered along the way that could help someone else navigating their own setbacks?